Aleksander Hansen

An addictive poison.

An addictive poison.

An addictive poison.

An addictive poison. Mostly, abused because of the addiction to validation.

An addictive mental poison and distraction. Intentionally facilitated or allowed to exist to keep population distracted and easier controllable.

Any form of putting one’s life on luck, unconsidered risk. This does not apply to situations where risk is mitigated through personal competence and other elements of stacking of the chances for success. Risk mitigation does not guarantee the win, but gambling guarantees the loss;

This is the most common way people create problems. In fact, most of the problems for oneself and others people create by running from own mental discomfort to countless forms of compulsive mental, verbal, and physical action. If you do not know what to do – do nothing;

It makes one disbalanced, weak, easily manipulated and exploited. Sensory pleasure is sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. That is not to say that one should disregard pleasure or even intentionally create a displeasure for oneself, but to avoid attachment to it;

This is the most widespread addiction which often not recognized as addiction, and facilitation of this addiction is the most widespread phenomena in society. Clinging to fame, status, honour, righteousness, wealth, notoriety, admiration, praise, reputation, attention, etc. – are just a few of many different colours of the addiction to validation. If one is addicted to validation, one is but a pitiful, fragile slave trading for nonsense life’s truest assets – time and freedom;

Most of mental, verbal, and physical actions of a person are usually compulsive executions of habits. Some habits are useful, others are harmful. A habit develops either because of deliberate prolonged repetition, or automatically because of the un-mindfulness of it. Habit is like a pet – if you show the slightest affection, it keeps coming back. If habit is deeply ingrained, it takes the right knowledge and a lot of time to get rid of it;

Everything is impermanent. All the world constantly fluctuates, transforms; rises and falls, appears and disappears, is built and falls apart. If one expects permanence of anything, one is deluded and suffering the consequences of own delusion. A long-lasting happy life is impossible without the acceptance of the reality of impermanence;

It is usually a combination of addiction to sensory pleasure, addiction to validation, running from mental discomfort, un-mindfulness of own habits, and expectation of permanence. Most often, this addiction is intentionally facilitated by the person one is addicted to, for his own benefit. If one is addicted to a relationship, one is a slave bonded to a master with an invisible mental chain. Most often this and other addictions come together with the addict’s negation of it verbally, which is self-hypnotizing, but – addict’s actions show the truth;

Disrespectful listening is:

– listening without presence (while thinking about other things—past, future, fake listening to multiple speakers, fake listening while doing other things, like using PC or mobile);
– listening without learning (jumping to premature conclusions before others have finished speaking and interrupting, even if not verbally, communicating an “I agree” or “I do not agree” attitude).

Giving easily and breaking promises is a symptom of a non-calm, agitated mind. A broken promise, even in the smallest of matters, gives rise to suspicion and erodes trust. Several broken promises send a loud signal that the person is unreliable and weak in self-restraint.

– harsh-starting the disagreeable topic;
– continuing the argument while flooded;
– going to sleep while in conflict.

Harsh-starting the disagreeable topic or continuing the argument while flooded will never solve the conflict, but will always make matters worse.

Going to sleep while in conflict will program a bad sleep, a bad next day, and ingrain negativity into the subconscious mind that will gradually develop the negative sentiment override towards the relationship.

– guilt manipulation;
– criticizing the character;
– complaining but not solving;
– comparing with others;
– suspending admiration, responsibility, effort valuation, attention;
– being always unhappy or not showing existing happiness;
– ignoring;
– commanding;
– taking over responsibilities;
– interrupting;
– grimacing or eye-rolling;
– provoking;
– sneering;
– telling „be manlier“ for a man or “be womanlier” for a woman;
– dragging solved past issues when in conflict, fake strengthening of own position;
– blaming others for your thoughts, words or actions;
– belittling labelling, even in the mind;
– comparing with objects;
– sarcasm;
– censuring;
– bullying;
– commenting activities;
– ridiculing;
– showing distrust;
– showing disinterest;
– not giving voice, not including;
– waving hand, grimacing, laughing;
– asking to prove something unprovable, like feelings or that which is a common-sense truth;
– threatening with separation;
– not taking other’s expressed concern seriously, provoking escalation;
– intentionally not acting to prevent small, immediate problem becoming bigger;
– the “it is your problem” attitude in cases where it was mutually agreed beforehand about the mutuality, such as in family relations, instead of “we have a mutual problem” attitude;
– nagging;
– suspending information;
– intentionally changing plans on short notice or refusing to do what is agreed beforehand;
– reproaching, enumeration and accentuation of faults of the other;
– disparaging, intentional de-accentuation of virtue of the other;
– sabotaging other relationships;
– any other form of manipulative passive aggression.

Emotional passive aggression is dangerous and elusive. For an inexperienced person, it is very hard to recognize, understand, and explain. It inevitably leads to worsening of relations and can create lasting or permanent health damage, a sense of insecurity, depression, fatigue, a lack of productivity, unrealized talents, the accumulation of life-organizational problems, insanity, and even suicide.

– plainly lying;
– knowingly saying things that may have some truth in them but are only partially truthful;
– people-pleasing (the axiom is: people-pleasing always goes together with people exploiting and people resenting);
– instead of repaying with gratitude, refusing something that is offered not because of not wanting it but because of wanting to get more;
– after unresolved conflict, pretending that nothing happened, expecting or forcing others to pretend;
– suspending due input while leaving situation obscure to not lose benefits;
– instead of expressing straightforwardly expecting something to be done and then showing demonstrative disappointment about things that were not beforehand agreed to be done;
– empty talking things that benefit neither oneself nor others (usually, it is form of covering-up something more important but unpleasant, like a cat sand-covering its own faeces);
– spreading rumours that have not been verified;
– talking indirectly, dropping tips, with the intention to evoke admiration and inspire trust;
– posing and prearranging behaviour with the intention to evoke admiration and inspire trust;
– flattery;
– hypocrisy of being humble;
– untruthful advertising oneself or something;
– talking roundly about the matter because of being afraid of other’s displeasure;
– talking up others for the purpose of gaining benefits;
– persuading and progressively luring in others into something instead of stating known intention straight from the start;
– suggestive manipulation, hinting;
– insincere fondling;
– calling someone not normal, traumatized, having trust issues, etc. It is manipulation that is meant for disarmament by sowing confusion and doubt.

Untruth and hypocrisy will inevitably erode trust and lead to the dissolution of the relationship in the long run. Any gain acquired from untruthful behaviour is a short-lived delusion.

These are easy and very consequential ways to screw-up one‘s life, and create a lot of suffering to oneself, others, and especially, to innocent children;

It is a state of worry characterized by extremely intrusive and melancholic concerns for the object of one’s affection, along with a desire for the reciprocation of one’s feelings and to form an intimate relationship, also characterized by the radical fall of the capacity to concentrate, to work productively and maintain multiple areas of life; often it is misunderstood and misinterpreted as “falling in love”, but it is not love; this state is similar to a rut of an animal; an incontrollable infatuation, a trick of nature driving for reproduction; if right conditions are persistent it can physically last up to 3 years, usually 1-2 years; the problem with Limerence is that most of decisions made in that deluded state will be inadequate, often very consequential, and often regrettable later;

When one indulges in these things, one pollutes one’s own mind with emotional and mental formations that are not one’s own but someone else’s;

They are all designed to function as mental drugs, distractions, private information snatchers, funnels of propaganda, and often as scams;

A well written book with a deep analysis of the subject by the author who knows deeply the subject by life-dedication to the inquiry into the subject, and who has no motivation to profit of it by pleasing the reader or public – is a good source of information; but shallow books, profit-seeking or fame-seeking authors, and all sources of fast-consumption type media are not worth to even pay attention to, because, while under the pretence of presenting value, they steal attention, water delusions in the mind, and erode the capacity to concentrate;

Virtually all news media is extremely biased and used as propaganda and click-baits; all information access sources, such as search engines, media storage portals, and social network applications, are extremely biased and control the accessibility of information through filters that allow only agenda-compliant information in agenda-compliant proportions to be accessed or prioritized;

It is important to practice calming and stabilizing the mind in silence, aloneness, meditation, journaling, or similar methods, because over-consumption of information, no matter the origin and form of it, is like a poison of a snake; it can very easily lead off the balanced perspective; this is even more important when dealing with intelligent, persuasive people and deep analytical readings;

They are virtually all created to confuse, delude, hook-in, manipulate, weaken, and exploit;

These will keep or make one broke financially, sabotage the capacity of contentment, and rob one of the stable joy of living and genuine friendships. Having contentment and being frugal independently from one’s material possessions is the true wealth;

Especially with people who are at the moment very disbalanced (both towards negativity or positivity), fanatical, radical, arrogant, manipulative, exploitative, cheating, hypocritical, people-pleasing, resentful, raging, violent, preaching, brainwashing, bullying, or addicted. Setting boundaries is not the rejection of the whole person per se, nor rejection permanently, but compassionate protection of one’s mind from bad influence and overwhelm at that period of time, for one’s own and other’s health. It is perfectly fine to adjust boundaries later if the bad influence is lowered or if one’s capacity to tolerate it is heightened and there is no risk for overwhelm;

Crowd influence on one‘s judgement is not easy to evade, especially if the crowd is of close relatives or own community; the more one engages with crowds, the more one must balance it out with silence, aloneness, meditation. It is very easy to be carried away on the wave of opinions, be careful;

If you do that – they will sabotage the family and cause destruction;

They are intentionally made addictive and very easily accessible. If consumed excessively, they damage long-term health;

Medical industry is both useful and dangerous to consumers, skewed because of the nature of the profits involved, licensing and financing structures and procedures, lobbying, power and control structures. Many light medicaments and supplements are not needed at all for the organism, but there are elaborate schemes designed to facilitate the consumption of them;

Most spiritual gurus are deluded, con-men, manipulators; the best “gurus” are silence, aloneness, stillness;

Never underestimate the details; if in doubt, do not sign. Always assume the worst-case scenario. Never sign contracts while being in emotionally unbalanced or agitated state (hurrying, excited, depressed, worried). Never believe anyone who tries to sell you “a cat in the sack”, or who tries to hide or minimize the importance of contract clauses. The world is full of trickery. Living in society means one cannot avoid being tried to trick sometimes, therefore, common-sense caution must be always present;

It does not mean that you should like or dislike, agree or disagree, or not at all be involved. It means that in whatever decision you make, have a broader and more balanced perspective, have everyone’s interest at heart, be respectful to those you disagree with. It is imperative that you continuously develop a deep understanding of different groups and people, and maintain your own internal balance and integrity. Fanaticism is always destructive, always a delusion;

Sometimes is OK, but doing it often is a waste of precious lifetime, energy, mental clarity, concentration, stability, and other resources; it adds little to long-term contentment and joy, family or friends social circle harmony, and these are not places where it is wise to search for a quality life-partner if you are single;

Examples: boxing damages long-term health and poses high risk of permanent injury; MMA has very high risk for injury; weightlifting extremely strongly impairs height-grow if practiced before a person is fully grown into his maximum potential height;

This is a foolish people-pleasing, an addiction to validation, stemming from a feeling of inferiority that stems from comparing oneself with others instead of just treasuring and enjoying life, and it also poses danger of your private information being used against you;

It will always lead to trouble, because virtually all people compare oneself with others and judge: if you say something they do not like, they reject you; if you share your suffering, they evade you; if they perceive you are lower, they disrespect you; if they perceive you are higher, they will be jealous and sabotage or people-please you (manipulate you to get something); if they perceive you are duller, they ignore you; if they perceive you are smarter, they will fear or hate you; if you share your plans or strengths, they will use it against you; if they perceive you are naïve, they will abuse you; etc… There is virtually nothing one can say and evade consequent trouble, therefore, it is better to stay mostly silent about oneself, one’s story, and one’s opinions;

There is almost no chance to correctly evaluate other person from appearance. Appearances are virtually always misleading. Friendships and partnerships take years to develop to a worth-keeping level, there is no shortcut to it. What is worth keeping will surpass the test of time, what does not surpass it – is not worth keeping;

Any clinging is bad clinging and leads to mental weakness, mental obscurity, mental suffering, and grotesque manifestations of behaviour;

Integrity is who you are, it is in your control zone; reputation is how others perceive you looking from their personal and societal lenses, and it is outside of your control zone. One’s integrity and other’s opinion often match, but not always, especially if there is some smearing campaign undergoing against you, and that’s Ok. Trying to care for everyone’s opinion and adapt to everyone’s opinion is self-weakening and self-destruction;

Betrayal is any form of siding with, prioritizing, or, without consensus inside the family, involving in family matters non-family members (relatives, friends, or other people).

It is a form of communication, often emotional, and often manipulative, where the communicator is ignorant of the fact that for something to be understood by another person, he must be ready to understand; he must be in a prepared-enough frame of reference. Such communication is like trying to attach a new branch of a tree at a height where the tree itself has not grown yet, and then creating conflict-tension because of the disappointment of unsuccess;

Lots of unbalanced and ungrounded behaviour manifests because of forgetfulness of death, impermanence, fragility of life, forgetfulness of and ungratefulness for being alive.

First of all, understand that living perfectly keeping oneself to these principles is impossible. Trying to impose them on other is destructive.

If these principles are broken by another, do not judge, fight, or punish by thinking, speaking, or acting.

Just notice it mindfully with compassion, and if you can, help the other to calm down. If you broke the principle, notice it mindfully with compassion, calm down, admit the truth as you understand it at that time, and ask for an apology if needed.